Everyone knows that living with an alcoholic is a living hell. But only one who has a drinker in his family can really say how difficult it really is. Constant shouts, abuse, dirt, lack of money, psychiatric hospitals, police and even beatings. All this is accompanied by constant pleas about refusing the bottle, feelings, persuasion and sleepless nights. The worst thing is that they see children who are almost impossible to isolate from the drunk parent.
But the worst thing is that close people themselves create the conditions for him to drink. How is this possible, you ask? After all, relatives with all their hearts want their loved one to get rid of the green snake. However, some aspects of their behavior only contribute to the development of dependence.
How to determine that you are addicted to an alcoholic
- You do not share your loved one and his illness. You do not understand that there are two personalities in it, the first is a good man, a kind family man and a wonderful father. The second is an aggressive drunkard who can hit or insult everyone around. When you show pity, you feel sorry for the disease, not the person. If you see how an addicted person suffers after another party, pity him and bring the bottle to the sober - you encourage the disease, even more calling it into the house. There can be no excuse in the form of "Only one glass".
- If you take responsibility for the life of a dependent person, you are also code dependent. It is impossible to solve problems for him, to block him before society. Consider the usual situation. Husband got drunk and fell asleep at the entrance. The caring spouse moved him somehow to the house (what the neighbors would say), she was undressed and put into bed (so that the children would not see). I saw that the jacket was torn and dirty - it was sewn up and washed so that people would not say anything. I could not get up to work in the morning - I called the authorities and said that I had a cold. How can a husband not drink in such comfortable conditions? What should he worry about if the wife solves all the problems that have arisen? The woman does not let him feel the seriousness of the situation, smooths the corners.
- Sozavisimy people often say "we tried everything possible." They do not say "he tried to be treated." Often co-addicted people are characterized by the pronoun "we, us." You must be able to separate your sick spouse, brother, son from your healthy personality.
- If you are constantly in a state of anxiety, stress, and waiting for the next binge, if you check your pockets and bags, you are co-dependent. It is impossible to live in a state of fear for a long time - health and the body fail.
- Socially dependent people often quarrel with their drinker and scold him. If someone from the outside, too, began to stand against him, they zealously protect him. For example, often the wife herself calls the police squad, and when the faithful want to take her to the police station, she cries and does not let him. This is the typical behavior of a co-dependent person. Separate yourself from it. There you are - a healthy person who can bear responsibility for their actions and there is an alcoholic who is prone to his weaknesses. You must understand that it is not caring and compassion, it is wrecking. You harm your loved one. You indulge his illness. Leave it alone with your problems. Sober up, he will realize that he has gone too far.
Alcoholism is a terrible disease. And if you hide his binges from others - it will not do him good. Code dependency contributes to the development of the disease. By doing this, you are doing a disservice to a person.
Codependency is a family problem. Psychologically, it is equal to alcoholism and it is not easy to get rid of it. The first step in the treatment of codependency and alcoholism is awareness of the problem. The realization that "I am really sick, I need the help of a specialist." Accepting the problem and agreeing to treatment is half the successful outcome.
How to get rid of codependency
- Stop indulging in a drinking family member. You can not compromise. We need to convince him that he is ill and he will not be able to cope on his own with this disease. Put a condition to your husband - if you drink, I will not cook for you. Or "I will not talk to you about anything other than treatment." No need to put impossible conditions - if you drink again, I'll divorce you. After all, you still can not fulfill this promise. Set tough conditions and follow them unquestioningly. This is the first step towards healing, doctors say. They advise to hold on until the alcoholic surrenders and turns to a psychologist and other specialists. After all, sometimes the most difficult thing is to bring a drunkard to the first visit.
- Understand that a person addicted to alcohol is not a child, not a mental patient. Stop protecting him and taking care of him, he is an adult person who must himself be responsible for his actions and actions. Give him the opportunity to solve some family problems. Do not clean after him, do not wash clothes soiled during the parties, do not solve problems with traffic cops, doctors and colleagues. Let him do it himself - after all, he did all this on his own, without your help.
- Show him that you are healthy. Show that you and other family members have a different, healthy life. Share your impressions, tell over dinner that you went to the zoo with the children, tell us how it was fun. An addicted person must understand that they are always waiting for him in that healthy family. That they love him and do not push him away, but they are not going to put up with the bottle. Show him that you accept him, but not his addiction.
- Do not dwell on it. Codepended people consider a drunkard their “cross” that they must carry throughout their lives. You can not turn it into a burden. Take care of yourself and children. Take care of your physical and psychological health, how long have you looked in the mirror? Show love and attention to the children that they have seen lately, except drunkenness and swearing? Separate your life, which is forbidden to enter with alcohol.
- Understand that the best thing you can do is offer treatment. Everything. You cannot do anything useful for a person. Realize it. Do not make a family secret out of this serious problem - you are only aggravating the situation.
- If you want to talk, choose the right time for this. It is best to talk when some kind of aftermath of drunkenness occurred - whether debts came out or a broken car was discovered. During the conversation, the person should be sober and calm, exactly like yourself. In conversation, pay attention to what alcohol leads to. Do not blame and do not blame, and offer to help. By that time, you need to find out about the specialists and centers that work in your city, so that with the consent of the addict you immediately know where to turn.
- Think about who can be an authority for your drinking spouse, brother or son. Ask this person to talk to an alcoholic. Sometimes drinking people need a conversation so that they understand what they are turning their lives into. Very illustrative examples of recovering alcoholics, they themselves have gone through all this and will be able to find the right words.
Treatment of co-dependent relatives is one of the main tasks in treatment centers for alcohol and drug addiction. After all, co-addicted people suffer no less than alcoholics. Being in constant fear and stress, a person loses his health. He develops diseases of the cardiovascular system, a malfunction of the internal organs. Often these people suffer from headaches, hypertension, insomnia, and digestive disorders. Look at the wives of alcoholics - from the constant experiences they quickly grow old, become gray and unhappy.
Code-dependent people have more difficulty than alcoholics, because the latter see everything through the prism of alcoholic intoxication. No matter how sad, but co-addicted people die faster. I would like to hope that this is a strong enough argument to get rid of consistency from an alcoholic.
If after a long struggle, nothing helps you, leave. Go far to save your life. If an alcoholic, after all persuasion and tears, does not want to be treated, nothing will change it. If you do not want to spend the rest of your life in suffering, pain, and anxiety, isolate yourself from this person. Nothing will help him, and you can still be saved.